Saturday, September 15, 2012

Do all blogs start like this?

...In fits and starts, I mean..

I've never really sussed the first posts of a blog before. Or maybe I have. I seem to recall reading sentences like 'well, here goes', 'not sure where I'm going with this' etcetera etcetera.

I don't know why but I'm embarrassed by my starts and never finishes. I don't know why because I'm sure nobody has read anything here apart from myself. I'm embarrassed because I can't shake the feeling that people have.


I started this blog again because my partner had a stroke. As fucked as it is, I couldn't help but I have something to write about! The thing is, it's been 6 months and I can't bring myself to write about it. I'm devastated. It's a tragedy but I don't think my reluctance to talk about it here is because 'I can't go there' or anything. It's just that it's...well, boring. I've attempted to write about it and there they stay as drafts until I come back a few weeks, months later (god, time is travelling fast) and delete them. I find myself getting caught up in the boring details. Every time I've tried to recount it, the story becomes so convoluted and annoying, I just get a headache and go GAH!

And yet, I have to get it off my chest to move forward with this blog.

So away we go in bullet points...
  • 1 March 2012, approximately 9:30pm. Police at the door to tell me Asa is in a critical condition in Canberra. He has had a stroke (although they couldn't tell me much at the time)...CERAZY!
  • 1 March - 28th March. Asa is in Canberra Hospital. SO many stories relating to this but I don't want the headache coming back. Basically I am back and forth. I'm in shock. The world is different. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Asa can't move the left side of his body. I am worried I will be faced with adult nappies.
  • 28th March Asa is transferred to Royal Talbot Rehabilitation Hospital in Melbourne. THANK GOD, the adult nappies are gone. Asa is still hoisted from bed to wheelchair. He still looks dazed and a bit crazy eyed.
  • March to June. Asa makes 'Great Gains'. By the time he is out of hospital and back home on 15 June he is totally continent, he can walk with a cane, he looks and sounds more normal. The high inflection in his voice is all but disappeared. He is getting better.
There are about 100,000 words to write about the experience but I just can't. They will definitely come up because, let's face it, this is now a MASSIVE part of my life. I'm just refusing to let it define me though.

Asa doesn't want it to define him.

Phew, done. Addressed.

I'm going to keep the previous two posts up. I've just realised I've created this post in the wrong blog.
How ridiculous, I have four blogs! This post was meant to go in the one I started after Asa's stroke but...I don't care if you don't!

I'm not sure where I'm going with this
So here goes...

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